Trauma? What trauma? I haven’t had trauma.
Trauma? What trauma? I haven’t had trauma. I had a great childhood. Maybe you did, but there is a fascinating question I sometimes ask people when I notice some dysregulation in the nervous system (which can have many causes). I often ask them “Would you be happy if your children were put into the environment that you grew up in?” “Hell no!” they might say. That is when we start getting somewhere.
Many of the challenges I address involve painful events that cannot be undone, but I can help change how the body responds to them. Trauma is an inevitable part of life and while it has become a buzzword today, I have been working with its impact on the body for 20 years. “Why is it always in childhood?” and the answer is because that is when patterns develop in the nervous system, shaping how we handle aggression, conflict, and emotions. Inevitably, of course, mainly learned from our parents.
However, we should not attribute blame. As conscious parents, we can repair and improve our relationships with our children and others because none of us are perfect. Our parents’ behaviours were often shaped by their own life experiences, especially their childhoods. While we cannot change their past, we can acknowledge how it influences their responses today, including how it manifests in their physiology. Research on Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), which I have discussed in other blogs, shows that there is a strong correlation between these experiences and later life diseases. The impact of nervous system dysregulation on the gut microbiome is also significant. Ultimately, the body adapts to overwhelming situations in ways it has learned over time, and this is key to understanding the process.
We have all experienced some form of trauma in our childhood and it is often during that time that we develop certain patterns, therefore, understanding this can be helpful. Interestingly, people who insist they had a perfectly fine childhood and refuse to hear any criticism about their parents often raise a red flag for me. No parent is perfect and if we place our parents on a pedestal it is a bit concerning.
Reflecting on your own childhood, maybe you would think, “You know what? It was good enough,” acknowledging that while it was not perfect it was adequate and this feels like a healthy view. Pay attention though – was there any part of it that was not good enough? Or maybe the issue lies elsewhere, even beyond your immediate experience – possibly something transgenerational. Trauma can manifest in many ways and it is fascinating to explore where it originates. Ultimately though, all we can focus on is the present moment and how to address the body’s current response. What can we do to shift it now?
You can watch my video on this on my YouTube channel. Just click on this link: https://youtu.be/NuE54MYBtC8?si=m2trXbZhtk2dBJi5
