A common coping strategy
Do you laugh when you really feel like crying? This is a common coping strategy that you may see in someone or experience yourself.
Of course, it is not a laughing matter if you pardon the pun! We must allow our emotions to be present and if we are feeling sadness then of course it is natural for us to cry and if we are moved by happiness we can also cry. So why is it unhealthy to use laughter as a coping mechanism every time an emotion comes up?
The answer is that it is a form of dissociation. If feeling tearful is overwhelming we find all sorts of ways of burying it and one strategy, laughing, masks or shuts the emotion down.
In the past, there was a ridiculous societal culture of “Big Boys Don’t Cry”. Being emotional was perceived as a vulnerability and there were some who felt this somehow equated to weakness. Understandably, expressed emotions then being met with a lack of support and empathy from caregivers resulted in people feeling they had to find ways to shut it down and dissociate. If we are not permitted to cry or experience emotion, laughing may be one way of shutting it down.
The other thing that is associated with the expression of emotion is shame and that somehow if I cry: I am a failure, I am defective, I am weak, I am vulnerable, I am not what my parents think that I should be. If we feel shame, in a somatic experiencing context, we might call that overcoupling. We need to delicately work with the coupling dynamics, and deal with the unhealthy linkage between the shame and the other emotional experiences. This allows the body and the person to be able to allow themselves the capacity to be with that tearful experience without having the shame which subsequently creates the laughter.
People don’t normally come to somatic therapy because they laugh in place of crying and ask for help – it is just there – as part of the total picture of the person and their whole being and not just their individual symptoms.
You can watch my video on this on my YouTube channel. Just click on this link: https://youtu.be/OtriTIiXtY0?si=1FBWXJl0h1iqG7hQ
